Come Just as You Are

Yes, you're imperfect. Bring all of yourself.

Notice how you react when confronted with one of your shortcomings. It might feel like you have only two options: prove that you’re not at fault, or admit your fault and feel woefully inadequate. As a result, typical reactions include either:

1. getting angry and defending yourself, or

2. feeling intense disappointment in yourself.

I know these reactions well. I’ve often vigorously denied that I got angry at someone unfairly, because I didn’t want to seem like a “bad person.” Admitting to myself and the other person that I was unkind feels inexcusable, so I’ve tried to hide or rationalize my behavior.

But there’s a third option, one that doesn’t force you to be either defensive or dispirited:

Maybe you don’t have to be better in order to be worthy.

You can acknowledge your limits, without feeling in any way diminished.

You can own your mistakes without sacrificing your sense of worth.

It’s possible to widen your embrace to encompass all of who you are, right now.

But I’m not perfect.

Of course not.

But I knew better.

That happens.

But I’ve failed so many times.

Right, and you’ll fail again.

But I’m not the person I want to be.

Yes, and it’s OK.

You can show up in the world as the person you are, with all your imperfections. All you ever have to offer is yourself, and that’s enough. In fact, the very best you can do is to give yourself.

The world places a premium on the size of what we give—even if it’s a small fraction of what we have, like when billionaires give million dollar endowments. You can get your name on a building by making a contribution that literally costs you nothing, if you give posthumously.

But the gifts that count the most are the ones that actually cost you something, which always means giving yourself, exactly as you are.

That might look like:

• showing up consistently as the imperfect parent that your child needs

• serving in your community without always knowing that you’re doing it right

• walking with your God even when you feel unworthy

• sharing your talents before you think you’re fully ready

• receiving love from those who know your imperfections and love you still

You are an imperfect creature. Not because of a personal failing on your part, but because you’re made that way. And you’re no less worthy of love for being flawed.

So open to your limitations. Remain steadfast even when you fall short. Keep showing up with your faults and struggles. Even when your cup is empty, offer it up. It is enough.

With love,

Seth