Courage for When You're Discouraged
The strength you need is closer than you know.
Where do you turn when you’re feeling discouraged? Many things can cause you to lose heart, such as:
money problems
health issues
a difficult relationship
career setbacks
a crisis of faith
relapse into addiction
a new bout of depression
Feeling discouraged can be a downward spiral, with difficult emotions feeding negative thoughts, which in turn make you feel even worse. How can you find your footing when it feels like all is lost?
Break Down the Overwhelming Problem
When you’re struggling, the mind likes to pile up your problems as if they’re all happening at once. Since you’re already feeling beaten down, these challenges feel unmanageable—which they would be if they all came at you at the same time.
Thankfully you don’t live in your mind, where an unending stream of problems get stacked on top of each other. On the ground where you actually live, you don’t have to confront all the imagined struggles simultaneously. You only have to deal with what’s in front of you.
When your mind tells you that you can’t handle everything, come into this moment. Ask yourself if you can handle this, whatever is happening right now. Train your mind to focus on what’s real and present—on the part of the highway (so to speak) where you actually find yourself.
Check Your Filters and Forecasts
Your mind has some go-to filters that it uses when life feels unmanageable. These cognitive distortions amplify your overwhelm and distress. Common ones include:
fortune telling: believing that the mind’s predictions are accurate and inevitable (The bank’s going to foreclose on our house.)
catastrophizing: expecting the worst possible outcome, or seeing a bad outcome as the worst thing ever (My kids are going to hate me and never come home to visit.)
discounting the positive: ignoring or zeroing out positive information so your situation seems even worse than it is (I never do anything right.)
expectation dread: creating a mental picture of a painful outcome and then dreading that expectation—as if it’s anything more than a fantasy (Work tomorrow is going to be an absolute nightmare.)
overgeneralizing: believing that a negative outcome in one instance will apply in every similar situation (My back hurt today so it’s going to keep feeling this bad.)
Look for Courage, Not Control
Fear and uncertainty probably lead you to try to force things to turn out the way you want them to. Unfortunately you don’t have that kind of power, and trying to force an outcome you can’t control only leads to more stress and discouragement.
When life feels uncontrollable, seek courage instead. Remind yourself that it’s not going to be easy, and that nothing says life should be. Find a constructive resignation that says, “OK. This is what I’m working with now.”
Connect with Your Inherent Bravery
But how can you find courage when you’re feeling so dispirited? You don’t have to manufacture it. Start by connecting with the part of you that is already brave. There’s a place at your core that isn’t disheartened by anything that happens to you.
It’s like that person you probably know who’s ready for any challenge; they seem to roll with whatever happens, and to treat difficulties as problems to solve.
When you feel discouraged, take a moment to breathe with yourself. Sit or lie down and place one hand on your chest and one on your belly. As you take slow, easy breaths, gently sense where courage resides within you.
You don’t have to force anything. Just take a little time to allow yourself to connect with the part of you that is strong and steadfast. It’s there inside you, always, even when you forget. Find stillness, and feel the strength in every breath you take.
With love,