There are so many things in life that you can’t control: the weather, other drivers, your family members and friends, problems with your car or home, illnesses, world powers, the nation’s voters, and so forth.
Often our energy gets used up on all the external stuff. We worry about the future and feel stressed about the unknown. We fume when other people don’t do what we want them to. We get worked up about unwelcome surprises. We’re preoccupied with what other people think.
In the process, we ignore the very real control we have over our thoughts and attention.
It’s hard enough to deal with life as it is. It’s immeasurably harder to carry the weight of everything you’re not responsible for.
You have an incredible amount of strength and resourcefulness. You can handle problems. You can train your mind. You can do the hard things that need to be done.
But it won’t feel like it if all your resources get directed at the uncontrollable. Trying to manage what’s out of your hands is like running a race you didn’t sign up for. When it’s time to run your own race, you’re already exhausted.
Unfortunately our mind often focuses on everything except what’s ours. It fears the future—but doesn’t fear losing itself in thoughts about the future. It worries about the past—but doesn’t worry about ruminating on things you can’t change.
The attention and care that rightly belong to you are given to everything else.
When you find that you’re preoccupied with things beyond your domain, come back to where you are. Recapture that energy and direct it at what’s really happening:
Recenter your attention on the internal work you need in this moment.
Ask yourself what you actually control.
Tend to your thoughts and release unhelpful stories.
Take care of anything you need to do.
In the marathon of life, you’re in charge of your training, nutrition, gear, and mindset. You can’t control the weather, the course, other runners, injuries, or anything else unexpected. When it’s time to race, it’s just you, the pavement right in front of you, and how you manage whatever comes your way.
You’re not responsible for what you don’t control. You are responsible for how you direct your thoughts, your actions, and your attention. Own what is yours, and release what’s not.
The practice is really about doing less, and letting your doing be well directed. Let it be easy. Enjoy lightening your load, my friend.
Find Self-Kindness in the Present
One way to focus on what you control is to narrow your attention to what is actually in front of you. It’s also one of the kindest things you can do for yourself. That’s why I included this practice (which I’ve shared here before) in my plan for 31 Days of Self-Kindness, available now to supporting members.
The mind continually runs to things beyond the here and now, so you’ll need reminders to return to Just This. Consider writing yourself a note to come back to the now, and post it somewhere you’ll see it often.
Do everything you can to the very best of your ability, and let go of everything you can’t. Whatever isn’t here, isn’t it. This is it—whatever’s real and under your control. Just this.
With love and gratitude,
The simplicity of silently saying "Just this" is beautiful -- and memorable.