Is That Story Helping You?

Maybe you don't need to wrap reality in old narratives.

Pay attention to how your mind’s stories often drive your fears. You’ll have to look closely, because the stories don’t announce themselves. It’s like watching biased news coverage and believing you’re getting just the facts. Your news source doesn’t announce its bias and agenda, but presents its stories as faithful depictions of reality.

In the same way, your mental stories don’t announce that they’re fabrications of the mind. Instead they look like meaningful data about yourself, other people, and the world. Stories that can drive fears include:

• Things are going to get worse and worse.

• It will be too much for me.

• They don’t want me around.

• I won’t be able to handle it.

• I’m going to make a mess of it.

• This problem will never get better.

• Nothing is going to work out for me.

It can be even harder to recognize the fiction in these stories because they tend to be very familiar, and recognition can feel like reality. So if you’ve told yourself enough times that “I’m kind of a loser,” for example, the repetition alone can make it believable. As with any propaganda, a lie repeated often enough becomes the truth.

What’s more, anxiety-provoking stories tend to spring from your core beliefs—the deeply held assumptions that guide your understanding of the world. If you hold the core belief that, say, life is overwhelming and unmanageable, it will shape how you experience a challenge. When your mind tells you that you “can’t handle it,” that thought in turn will resonate with the underlying belief that gave rise to it. Like familiarity, resonance feels like truth.

See Through the Mental Overlay

Thankfully you’re not a prisoner to your mind (which is just another story). You can break free from the mental straightjacket of unhelpful narratives.

Freedom starts with seeing what’s happening. Practice recognizing a story for what it is. You can practice anytime because the mind is constantly making predictions and interpretations!

See the story your mind is crafting about what it means when:

• you have a busy Monday

• your teenager take a certain tone with you

• you get in an argument with your friend

• you have a late night commitment

• your spouse seems a bit distant

• your elderly parent has a slight memory lapse

Consider writing down what you find. And then notice that these concepts are imposed on reality, in the same way that “Tuesday” is imposed on a 24-hour time period. A mental story doesn’t exist out in the world any more than Tuesday is an inherent part of one rotation of the earth.

That’s not to say the stories aren’t captivating. They’re a bit like Pokémon GO, augmenting reality with virtual overlays that can completely capture your attention and lead you astray.

But like Pokémon creatures, thoughts don’t actually touch or change reality. Reality itself is free—just as you can be when you release the story. Life is just you and your hands and feet, and an ongoing series of moments, and how you choose to meet them.

A Daily Program to Free Your Mind

I recommend a structured plan for setting your mind free. Set aside specific times each day to check in with yourself and see what unhelpful story might be at work. For example:

1. Morning: At breakfast, notice how you’re thinking about the day in front of you. Ask yourself if the dread you might be feeling, or the sense of overwhelm, are based in fact or on interpretation. When you find a story, identify it as a product of the mind. Then, look again more closely at the nature of reality. Observe how boundless it is in its natural habitat.

2. Afternoon: At lunch, repeat this exercise, perhaps about something that happened during your morning. For example, you might find that you’re beating yourself up for something you did or forgot to do. What’s the story? Who would you be if you were willing to let it go?

3. Bedtime: As you go to bed, notice what’s on your mind: regrets from your day? Negative predictions about tomorrow? Resentments toward someone in your life? Remind yourself that these stories aren’t part of reality, but instead are the mind’s attempt to make meaning from a complex set of observations. Some of them might be accurate, but very often they’re distorted. Recognize that there are many other interpretations of the same facts.

With practice, you really can find freedom from tyrannical thoughts, more than you can imagine. Most of us live in a mental cage all our lives, so we don’t even realize that we’re prisoners. As you discover reality and its inherent freedom, you can find your own liberation.

With love,

Seth