You Never Really Suffer Alone
Find solace in the shared humanity when you go through tough times.
Suffering can feel so lonely. No one around you is going through exactly the same thing. Everyone seems busy with their lives, including those who are closest to you. Even if they’re willing to listen, it’s hard to convey what the struggle is actually like.
Feeling all alone adds an extra layer to your suffering, especially if it seems like you’ve exhausted the compassion of those around you. There’s something especially painful about seeing those you love walk right past your pain. Feeling so profoundly alone can contribute to a sense of desperation.
Where can you turn in these moments?
For most of us there is an impulse to turn to something beyond ourselves. Many look to their faith, finding comfort as the psalmist did in a divine presence who is “close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Some turn inward to find a similar place of strength and consolation, connecting with an internal presence that is a constant companion and a witness to everything you’re going through.
Both of these practices point to a third possibility, one that is available to everyone regardless of religious or spiritual beliefs. You can find solace in recognizing the Lonely Suffering Paradox.
Suffering alone is a paradox because there is a shared aspect to suffering that unites us all.
This unity of suffering is apparent even in the feeling of being alone. Who has not felt all alone in their pain or grief? Everyone at some point will have the experience of thinking that nobody can know what they’re going through. That very sense of isolation underscores your shared humanity.
Start to recognize the lonely suffering paradox as a type of cognitive distortion. Your suffering connects you to an endless host of people—all those who have ever lived and all of those to come.
Cultivate a habit of seeing the shared humanity when your life is hard. This practice is a cornerstone of self-compassion. Find comfort in knowing that your experience connects you to all of your ancestors, to all of those who suffer in this moment, and to everyone who knows how it feels to reach the end of themselves.
Consider things you might tell yourself when your mind says you’re alone or forgotten, such as:
“I feel so alone right now, just like all of those who lived before me.”
“You never really suffer alone.”
“This is my share of human trials and tribulations.”
“My individual suffering connects me to so much pain in the world.”
“I am having such a deeply human experience.”
“Being human really hurts sometimes.”
If you’ve felt desperate, confused, overwhelmed, or forsaken, welcome to the fellowship of suffering. May you find strength and solace, today and always.
With love,
Beautiful. Thank you. 🕊️