Even if we’ve never met, I’m pretty sure two things about you are true.
First, it’s not easy being you. Anyone who thinks otherwise doesn’t really know you. I don’t mean there’s something especially difficult about being you. But being a human is no easy thing.
No matter how good your life might look on paper, the lived experience tells a more complex story.
You have doubts.
You’ve known disappointment and loss.
Anxiety and stress can overwhelm you.
You don’t always understand where your difficult emotions come from, or even know what you feel.
Your mind can sometimes feel like an enemy.
You probably went through some painful things early in life that have stuck with you, and that can still color your reactions and relationships.
Maybe you deal with low moods, harshly self-critical thoughts, or unresolved trauma.
You might even wonder at times if life is worth living, which could surprise even those who know you best.
In short, at times you suffer. As beautiful and amazing as life is, it can also be so hard.
The second thing I believe is true: You are doing such a good job.
It probably doesn’t feel like it. It would be easy to brush off my assumption as if it couldn’t possibly be true.
After all, you know your private faults and shortcomings, and you think you should be doing a lot better. How can you be doing a good job when sometimes it’s hard to even like yourself?
But think about your past. You entered this world knowing nothing. You grew and survived the challenges of childhood—not without some pain along the way.
You made it through middle school (!), high school, and the transition to young adulthood. No stage of your life has been completely smooth.
But you’ve survived. And more than that: You’ve made friends. Found ways to enjoy life. Discovered what you’re good at. Learned what it is to love.
Through it all you’ve kept going, just as you do now. Even on days when it would be easy to throw in the towel. You’ve lived through some dark times. You’ve had your heart broken. And you haven’t given up.
That’s why I’m confident when I say you’re doing such a good job.
Even when you’re struggling.
Even when you’re not the person you want to be.
Persisting in the face of your fallibility is a mark of courage and strength.
Wherever you find yourself, be kind to yourself.
You’re OK. Life isn’t easy. You’ve done well.
Is It Really a Catastrophe?
I have a new invitation for lowering your stress level. It’s part of my 30-day plan for managing daily stress, which is available to supporting members.
This practice comes from Day 23 of the plan: Watch out for catastrophizing—what psychologist and author Albert Ellis called awfulizing.
When you run into an average-sized problem or disappointment, the mind is good at turning it into a Very Big Deal:
Being late will be a disaster.
Messing up a recipe is terrible.
The conflict with your family member is horrible.
But maybe the problem is more manageable than your brain thinks. It might be not great, but it’s not terrible. It’s a problem you’ll address—no better or worse than that.
Ask yourself:
Is it worse than bad?
Is it insurmountable?
Or is it a problem you can handle?
Maybe the Very Big Deal turns out to be just something to deal with. Picture yourself using all your resources to cope with whatever it is.
Podcast
Ep. 226: Dr. Beth Kurland — Mindful Awareness 1. Finding Peace of Mind When Life Is Difficult
My guest this week is psychologist Dr. Beth Kurland, author of the new book, You Don’t Have to Change to Change Everything: Six Ways to Shift Your Vantage Point, Stop Striving for Happy, and Find True Well-Being. Our discussion includes a calming guided meditation that Beth led me through.
You can get the episode through the link above, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you like to listen.
With love and gratitude,
Excited to see you here! Hope all is well!